I regret not knowing what I know now about love, a few years ago.
If I did, I would have slapped Timothy (fictional name) when he first made that ridiculous proposition, but what did I know?
I was young, naïve, in love and yearning to be loved back.
I lacked confidence in myself and believed only what others told me or thought of me. I was always so eager to please, especially the ones I gave my heart to. Timothy for one, I thought he was the one that would come and whisk me away to wonderland, take my head above the clouds and give me endless happiness, but he wasn’t. He took my precious gift, crumpled it and threw it back at my face.
The sun lost its glow in my eyes; my food tasted like mortar; my dreams filled with terror. I hated everything and everyone and only continued living because I had tried once upon a time to take my life but had not been able to go through with it.
There is no lie that I was a broken girl, these feelings were not new to me, they followed me wherever I went and that was why I had sought salvation in Timothy. He was supposed to free me, to mend me or so I thought.
I ran after him with everything I had, arms flying, hair scattered, legs crumbling until…
Until I realised that love should never hurt.
I realised that true happiness comes from within and not in the arms or heart of another. I realised that only I could heal myself of all that I had gone through; only I can love myself the way I want.
I have now come to understand the true meaning of love and healing, of happiness and the reason to smile. If you do see me crying, know that they are tears of joy, tears of the realisation of how beautiful life can be.
Do I regret meeting Timothy? Yes
Do I regret him breaking my heart? No
For it is through that, I was reborn.